Toniiiiight, weeee are young

Everyone who knows me knows that before going to watch an A-rated movie I must be reminded to carry ID.
Some people who know me well also know that my mom has hearing aids. But she never wears them.

In a flight from foreign shores to home.
Steward to me-"And what would you like to drink with that?"
Me-"The red wine please"
"But.."
"I'm 22."
"Ohh, you look so young. What's your secret?"
*charming/mysterious smile*  (or maybe the why you delaying my food you strange man)
"I guess it's your mother's genes"
Mom-"I'm her mother!"

The steward looks a little confused and walks away. 

Thanks mom. Let's both jump on the train of youthfulness.

The next day she's recounting the story to my Dad.
"The steward wasn't letting her have any wine and he asked her where her mother was so I told him that I was her mother and he understood that it was ok to serve her alcohol and stopped questioning her."

My sudden burst of laughter was discounted as normal madness.

MIssion Pudding

Bro and I venture into the kitchen yesterday. It feels like an expedition, a voyage into the unknown.

Mission: To make pudding. Ready-mix pudding.

You take the powder and mix it in milk and heat it till it boils and then dump it in the fridge. One simple sentence of instructions?

I'm hunting in the fridge for milk. Mom seems to have put the milk into several separate containers. I find one with enough milk to use and stagger back into the kitchen. My brother helpfully hands me the powder. I immediately start juggling with the packet. Toss it from my right hand to my left hand. I'm so cool I can catch things. And,"OH MY GOD YOU OPENED THE PACKET!!!". There is a fine dust of powder all over the floor.

Much deflated, I start boiling the milk while my brother sweeps the floor and hides the powder behind the dustbin. Why not in it, I wonder?

My threshold of boredom being a little low, I hand over the job of stirring the milk till it boils to bro. Two minutes later there's a loud shriek. "IT"S BOILING AAAAAAAH WHAT SHOULD I DOOO??"

I jump in and turn off the flame before it boils over and we are left with nothing to show for our efforts. The genius hadn't thought of turning it off.

It's going to be a while before we venture back in there again.

The unusual incident of the mom at the midnight

Just when I'm drifting off to sleep after being informed by my brother that many of his friends think that my idea of taking a break from education is weird but he thinks that it is completely normal and I politely told him that if he dances like robo-dork at his fresher's welcome party he will be labelled weird in college mom runs into the room. (insert many commas later)

1. bro started college yesterday and its fun to mess with his head. although the way he dances is really strange.

2. mom doesnt run so much as walk slightly faster

3. i am taking a gap year on grounds of i'm so confused and also i didnt really apply anywhere and my parents didnt notice till all the deadlines were gone.

So mom goes "WAKE UP. I have slashed my finger from end to end and if you dont get up and dress the wound i will have a nervous breakdown."

I get up. It's not a deep cut. Just long. So i put some antiseptic and then two bandaids.

"Go to sleep. It's almost midnight."

My mom looks at me. Her face has that dissatisfied look.

"What?"

"It doesn't look dramatic enough."

WHAT?

"It looks so tiny. Put a bandage not a bandaid."

"GO TO SLEEEEP. I'll put a bandage and make a bow tomorrow."

Big smile. Satisfied at the thought of her bow she goes to bed.

malfunctions with ones wardrobe. strange examples from real life

Today i set out for college with a huge laundry bundle in tow. Around eleven I realized that I left it somewhere. I spent the next hour of electronics class wondering where I had lost my clothes and worrying about what I would wear for the rest of the year. The moment class was over I rushed out and ran to the hostel. The warden had kept the stinky clothes carefully in her office and didnt seem surprised when I said they were mine! i reached the solid state class quite late as a consequence. The prof shot me a dirty look that said "AHA. YOU. WHO BUT YOU COULD ARRIVE LATE FOR THE 1ST CLASS OF THE YEAR". I gave her a look that said ...well it was my retarded look.


Last week.
Toto, Gaga and Pal decide to catch a movie the day before college reopens. It's raining really hard but the plan must not be abandoned. So they reach the mall dripping wet.
Suffice it to say that people look really really shocked when they walk into a ladies room in a mall to see a gaga drying two pairs of trousers underneath the hand blow dryer machine with the help of the attendant lady, a toto jumping around pantless and running into the cubicles shrieking whenever women walk in and a pal who throws the toto out mercilessly because the toto ran into the cubicle she was sheltering in because the pal needs to pee. Life is embarrassing.

A geography class...
Teacher goes on and on about bird droppings. 'bird droppings are a huge industry....bird droppings blah bird droppings blahblah'
and all is fine and boring till somebody raises their hand....
"Ma'am, but what.." (and the tone mind you is like the next big philosophical question just about to be revealed) "but what....do birds drop?"

(yes it's a true story)

Viewpoint

They could hear uproar in the next classroom. It went on for quite a while and finally Sir strode out of their class to investigate. One of the boys also, unable to contain his curiosity, followed sir out. He came back in a minute and announced to the rest of the class," RBT is jumping. That's why the class is shouting." While the class tries to digest this information sir comes back in and with a twisted grin says," There was a bee in the room. You should have seen how scared they got!"

btw- rbt= royal bengal tiger, a particularly ferocious teacher lady

B-english

The two spectacular examples of bad english I have come across recently.

Teacher: "All of my ex-students have passed away."

Student: "No ma'am. It's 'passed out'."

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/pass (click the link if u didn't get the two awful misuses in that one)

And

Me:"I need my suitcase back by tomorrow."

Shop Lady:"Ma'am I will try to deliver you."

Presumably meaning 'deliver it to you' and not show me a route to heaven or be the nurse at my birth.

The Thief

A year ago, my grandfather died. A month or so after that when the fuss about the funeral etc had died down, the house more or less lay quiet. Taking advantage of this, some local thief decided to raid the house. In the dead of night he crept up the water pipe and into the house. That's around when the plan went wrong. 

That weekend my aunt and uncle were staying there. A light sleeper, my aunt (a 50 year old woman) woke up when she heard the thief's footsteps and hit him with a walking stick lying around. Then she and my uncle tied him to a chair and called the police. 

After this, while waiting for the police, she felt bad. She offered him a chocolate chip cookie! He refused. Then she offered him water, he drank some then spat some out. After that, thankfully, the police arrived before she could make any more hospitable overtures.

This happened when I was around 10 years old. I couldn't fall asleep and around midnight after struggling for three hours I woke my mom up and said I couldn't sleep. She told me to count sheep. I asked her how this process worked. She explained that I imagine sheep jumping over a fence and keep counting them. I counted till ONE THOUSAND THIRTY SOMETHING. Then I stopped.I concluded that this process does not work, atleast not for me. How could anyone busy with numbers fall asleep? I fell asleep after that.