Panicked email from mother.
"No spiky ends, no part of the scalp showing."
In response to the simple "I think I will get a haircut"
Another one a few minutes later clarifies that crew cuts are also not acceptable.

Last week, she rings me up on skype. I'm in school but I take it. 
Wave at my friends mother. See the lovely skyline mother. 
"Why are you studying? Are you going to fail?"
The logic apparently being that she has never seen me bother to study so I must be failing.

One must give up trying to be a better kid.