The new google blogger interface seems confusing. But maybe it's just that I haven't blogged in a while and thus have managed to fall hopelessly behind the times.

Blogger in the age of accelerated technology. (superhero pose)

My mom took me shopping yesterday. Correction: My mom went shopping yesterday while I went on coolie duty. Now the the thing is, my mom is deaf. And i'm not even being mean. She wont wear her hearing aids. Not my fault. So we're in a store and the man at the counter is making the bill. And he goes "Ma'am what name should I make the bill out to?" and she's just standing there with a smiley face. So I poked her. And she jumped up and starting shouting. "Block X X house number 0 0 0". Our Address. Which is obviously the first thing that comes to your mind when you're a deaf person who's been poked. YOUR ADDRESS.

(more added later)

Then the other day, my Dad's student came over. Dad wasn't home so Mom asks him to sit down and then asks him,"So what did you do today?"

"Embroidery."

"Oh, what an interesting hobby."

He gives her the confused look and conversation subsides.

On later investigation it turns out that what he had said was "Laundry".

me: I'd catch a grenade for you-oooooooo

serve up my head on a plate for you-OOOOOOO

bro (giving me worried looks out of the corner of his eye): you know those aren't the real words right?

me: dude! these are the words. it's a creepy love song

bro: nooo. the words are 'put my hand on a blade for you'. considerably less creepy/violent. (looks very worried)

Been at home for almost two months now. Gap year is progressing great so far. (I think) Extended-conservative-Indian family is not exactly appreciative/understanding/comprehending-motives (if any). I probably haven't helped because I have spread around ten different versions of my "plan". I just make one up and say it with a lot of unconvincing looking eyebrow wiggling when anyone asks me. So people comparing notes either conclude that I don't have a plan or that they know different peopled called me. Probably the first, you know?

Ah well, short term aim is something I have today atleast- REMEMBER to go to driving class.

'received and accepted'

The three most beautiful words in the english language.

Don't even try to convince me otherwise.

You article has been received and accepted. :D

see? happy feeling induced automatically

The unusual incident of the mom at the midnight

Just when I'm drifting off to sleep after being informed by my brother that many of his friends think that my idea of taking a break from education is weird but he thinks that it is completely normal and I politely told him that if he dances like robo-dork at his fresher's welcome party he will be labelled weird in college mom runs into the room. (insert many commas later)

1. bro started college yesterday and its fun to mess with his head. although the way he dances is really strange.

2. mom doesnt run so much as walk slightly faster

3. i am taking a gap year on grounds of i'm so confused and also i didnt really apply anywhere and my parents didnt notice till all the deadlines were gone.

So mom goes "WAKE UP. I have slashed my finger from end to end and if you dont get up and dress the wound i will have a nervous breakdown."

I get up. It's not a deep cut. Just long. So i put some antiseptic and then two bandaids.

"Go to sleep. It's almost midnight."

My mom looks at me. Her face has that dissatisfied look.

"What?"

"It doesn't look dramatic enough."

WHAT?

"It looks so tiny. Put a bandage not a bandaid."

"GO TO SLEEEEP. I'll put a bandage and make a bow tomorrow."

Big smile. Satisfied at the thought of her bow she goes to bed.

Birthdays are supposed to be fun.

Turning 21 seems like a stressful coming of age ritual though.

Firstly, my family gave me a watch. This is the traditional coming of age gift that my family gives. When I graduated high school they gave me one. This time, they gave me another one. They also gave me one when I started my period but maybe that was just because the internet providers had coincidentally sent us a free watch in the mail that day.

I also inherited two watches from my grandmother when she died and in case anyone has noticed that that adds up to five watches which is three more than the number of wrists I have......well, I have already broken all five of them. Yes, the strap on the new one came off around thirty seconds after the wrapping paper.

I wear a cheap watch held together by rubber bands. And my glasses are held together by superglue.

I don't think I am ready to come of age.

Secondly, my mother asked me if I'm dating anyone. When I said no she asked me if I'm gay. When I said no she calmly said I wouldn't know. She asked me if I liked anyone and thanks to force of habit I said ......well I said no. Dammit. Me and my brother figured out years ago that saying no to this question was the best thing to do. If you say yes she follows you around the house and asks you a hundred questions about the looks/intelligence/career prospects of the 'liked one'.

Seems like she's spent these years developing a new set of questions to ask if you say no. ARE YOU GAY? SERIOUSLY? That's what she came up with? Owch.

Then against all rules of Indian parenting she tells me there is no way in hell she's finding me a groom.

I black out for a second and then realize MARRIAGE is what she is thinking about.

"I don't even like the clothes you pick for me, how on earth would you find a boy for me? "

"True. That's a relief.........I'll support you if you're gay but I want grandchildren." (yes mom. let's stick to that. i'm gay. katy perry background music.)

Holy craaaap. I'm old.

-In the dream I didn't understand what you said so you called me stupid.

-It wasn't a dream.

-No, what about the kite flying?

-I called you stupid. That seems real enough.

-Hey I didn't understand what you said because you were making up words.

-I know plenty of words which are real but you wouldn't understand.

-NO. My vocabulary is awesome.

-I don't make up words.

-It was MY dream. You made up words.

-It was still me in the dream and I don't make up words.

-And you called me stupid in it! My dream. Don't ever appear in my dreams again.

-Hey! It was YOUR dream

-It was still YOU