My dear bhindi
there is a lot i know u know. like the fact that i loved u. like the fact that those days with u in class eight are an integral part of my growing up memories. and school magazine every year was our thing. our article every year. and the newsboard was our thing. we the editors. and how what we started never ended how we intended it to. which was fun.
and then our lives bifurcated. but i had a corner for u always and i know u did for me too.
but u came last month, december to visit. and for a brief two days we were happy. so happy. so we made plans to make our lives intersect again soon.
and then some incalculable factor, some inhuman person, some bakery table underneath which there was a bomb..... and then u were a face on a newspaper for many and a reason to light a candle for many more.
for me u are the girl who gave me a shoebox on my birthday with a bhindi and a potol stuck inside it. to potol from bhindi. and a lot of glitter. because u cared enough for ur friends to spend ur time doing crazy things like that. and a book inside the box which said to me from u on the first page. and to ankik from kaushik on the second. and u burst out laughing when i told u and said u had given me ur brother's book by mistake.
and now u and ur brother are gone. and in the hostel lawn is a ghost of a memory of u and me sleeping in the sun. and then there is me. sitting here wondering why, and what to do, and knowing that this pain will never go. what would i not give for u too call me and say ur coming tomorrow.
i'll do those things ok? and i dont know how i'll let u know. maybe i'll blog again. i'm sorry i dont know what else to do. i've never believed in god or afterlife. right now i wish i did.
u would have been very critical of this letter. u would have made me rearrange it.
and i'll finish here today coz im sleepy. coz i havent slept much coz every time i close my eyes the tears try to squeeze out.....and im signing of like i always do, always did in emails, and bhindi its too true......
"love, always."
yours
....
(something i found in drafts. dated december 2010)
there is a lot i know u know. like the fact that i loved u. like the fact that those days with u in class eight are an integral part of my growing up memories. and school magazine every year was our thing. our article every year. and the newsboard was our thing. we the editors. and how what we started never ended how we intended it to. which was fun.
and then our lives bifurcated. but i had a corner for u always and i know u did for me too.
but u came last month, december to visit. and for a brief two days we were happy. so happy. so we made plans to make our lives intersect again soon.
and then some incalculable factor, some inhuman person, some bakery table underneath which there was a bomb..... and then u were a face on a newspaper for many and a reason to light a candle for many more.
for me u are the girl who gave me a shoebox on my birthday with a bhindi and a potol stuck inside it. to potol from bhindi. and a lot of glitter. because u cared enough for ur friends to spend ur time doing crazy things like that. and a book inside the box which said to me from u on the first page. and to ankik from kaushik on the second. and u burst out laughing when i told u and said u had given me ur brother's book by mistake.
and now u and ur brother are gone. and in the hostel lawn is a ghost of a memory of u and me sleeping in the sun. and then there is me. sitting here wondering why, and what to do, and knowing that this pain will never go. what would i not give for u too call me and say ur coming tomorrow.
i'll do those things ok? and i dont know how i'll let u know. maybe i'll blog again. i'm sorry i dont know what else to do. i've never believed in god or afterlife. right now i wish i did.
u would have been very critical of this letter. u would have made me rearrange it.
and i'll finish here today coz im sleepy. coz i havent slept much coz every time i close my eyes the tears try to squeeze out.....and im signing of like i always do, always did in emails, and bhindi its too true......
"love, always."
yours
....
(something i found in drafts. dated december 2010)
