Soop-pah-woman

On the right is my roommate.
Today-
1. I sang kryptonite all day
2. a random child in the road pointed at her and shouted 'superman!'
3. a guy nudged his friend also wearing the same t-shirt and said 'superwoman' and dissolved into giggles.

B-english

The two spectacular examples of bad english I have come across recently.

Teacher: "All of my ex-students have passed away."

Student: "No ma'am. It's 'passed out'."

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/pass (click the link if u didn't get the two awful misuses in that one)

And

Me:"I need my suitcase back by tomorrow."

Shop Lady:"Ma'am I will try to deliver you."

Presumably meaning 'deliver it to you' and not show me a route to heaven or be the nurse at my birth.

Little Ivan's plaster came off.

:D

This is Droopy. My mother's pet plant. I think Droopy is dying. I hope it's not the detergent water I squeezed on it that day while putting the half-washed clothes out to dry.

A few years ago, our school took us to a trip to a science museum. I remember standing on some gizmo which displayed your heart rate. The thing was at 60, the guy before me's rate. Then I stood. It decreased straight down, down into the 30's. I clearly remember someone beside me grinning and saying, "You're dying". I got off the stupid thing then.

................................

Back in school to meet my old games teacher. Two days ago. The school is buying equipment for a new gym. Sir tells me to try the treadmill. I start running, sir switches on the monitor. He looks at it, turns his blank stare to me and says,"Your heart beat is zero." I stare at him and yell "DEADBODY! Sir." Sir looks at the delivery guy with the exact same expression and says,"The monitor doesn't work."

A collection of the lines that distinguish the day scholar from the hosteler.

"You look...good today!"

vs

"You look...clean today!"

Question:"You hair looks good today. Did you get a haircut?"

Answer: "Yes, thank you."

vs

"No! I shampooed!"

12 midnight, day before exam.

"Have you finished studying?"

vs

"Have you started studying?/ Have you finished watching that movie? I want it. NOW."